Online Risks, Kid’s Homelife, and Bullying
Hi, parents and people dealing with kids/teens. I somewhat didn’t want to do this topic but when I have to constantly give PSAs, it’s time to let the world know. We have to make sure kids/parents have a good understanding of online risks, and how to improve home life and reduce the effects of bullying. All these things can severely affect a child’s mental health.
I’m not a gamer or a social media influencer, the most I can do is some Pinterest oh and this website. So I’m not too old or young, the point is that I may not be an internet guru but I understand trends and risks. One of the trends is the increase in human trafficking/exploitation and it easily starts online. These are things that I try to make parents aware of:
Major Cesspools
- Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter: it is easy for a predator to make a fake profile and find minors. These things also easily lead to adult content. Plus kids can make multiple accounts like my co-worker’s kid who had a “clean version” that the mom/public had access to and another one, that I’m not going to mention but you get the point. Stop being naive parents!
- YouTube, Twitch: many of these creators and their followers have access to millions of viewers/minors, and be mindful that the media may not be user-friendly even in the kid’s YouTube version. With all of social media, some people may pretend to be a creator, someone famous, or a teen themselves just to gain access to a person…
- Twitch, Online Gaming: again easy access to minors and abusive/harsh language are frequently used in the gaming world. Sometimes I just tell parents to avoid it, especially if the kid is sensitive.
- Cellphone/Ipad: monitor (excessive usage, data), check accounts/phone records, who they’re communicating to (especially frequent/weird numbers), do a random phone check -let the teen know that since they’re a MINOR and you pay the bill and that it’s YOUR (the parent) property or right. I had a teen get hospitalized for a breakdown when the mother took away her cell phone. So do this on a regular basis and not when you suspect something to avoid the teen exploding and getting dramatic. Also, be mindful that a teen can easily get another cell phone and that’s always a red flag. Teens only need one cellphone, unless they’re turning into drug dealers.
Avoid Problems Before They Start
I have teenage patients who are violent to the family or know how to do horrible and dangerous things at school, etc. People wish they had time machines but since we don’t, we have to hopefully make sure these kids don’t end up in prison or worse and at least try to stop problems before they happen:
- Limit Television and Internet: Do not put a television, cell phone, or computer in a child’s bedroom. It will affect their sleep and kids still need to be supervised online. Include activities in the bedroom that don’t involve a screen like reading, so a Kindle is okay but most kids don’t care to read so I probably won’t trust that either. They just need to go to bed.
- Have a designated room or an area for studying/learning: Of course school, research, and assignments require the internet but online activities still need to be monitored. Having a learning/child-friendly area is imperative for the child to be successful. I didn’t have that growing up but I also didn’t have the internet and a horrible attention span. At what point is the child going to learn if life at home is a zoo? try to create peaceful areas.
- Don’t Put Everything on Schools: I frequently tell the parents to go to the Teacher’s store or a place selling workbooks, learning supplies, or Amazon, and supplement the kid’s learning. Schools can only provide and teach so much and some public schools are just useless. I sometimes didn’t get a textbook till around Christmas and with my birthday being around the same time, I would’ve failed something and be on punishment until spring. I hated school because I usually got in trouble, home life was a mess, and I didn’t value anything until college. I’m a walking miracle but most kids are not making it so any success is truly a miracle. Standard education is supposed to be the expectation but now it just sounds like a prehistoric dinosaur. Therefore, I’m usually pleading with the parents to supplement!
- Physical Activities: limit them! Look at sports, the Olympics, etc. most people are not world-renowned athletes so do not flood the kid with all these demanding sports activities, like football or hockey, especially if they’re struggling with school. Adults can barely retain information, how would you feel if you were a kid having a full sports schedule, homework, puberty, crazy family members, and mental health issues? I’m not saying that the child can’t be involved but if they’re struggling with the basics, consider something less intensive (things that most likely won’t injure the brain) like band, karate, chess, dance, choir.
Improve Home Life
If the provider is still trying to stabilize the mood or the child’s condition that’s great but also try to focus on other areas of their life, mainly at home. Sometimes my kids do so much better and can get off of medications, simply by improving their home life:
For YOUNG (Before Puberty) Kids
You don’t have to give children 5 PlayStations to calm them down. I have a secret that I share with all my parents that honestly helps a kid out the most, it’s simple: TALK TO THEM. The parents look at me like I’m telling them a horror story but at least I got their attention because it makes the difference.
I tell parents to schedule play dates, tea time, walks in the park, write letters to each other, play a board game, role-play being a scientist, read books, draw something that made you smile last week…etc. NO PHONE, technology, or distractions and have fun. Most of my kids that are doing well have a parent more involved. Side note: kids need a healthy outlet for stress aka play, the main goal here is to not let everything or all the interactions be about “psych” problems and really let them develop or fine-tuned their personality.
Older Kids/Teens
This is the group that claims they have all the answers and try to scare people. Scare them back. I actually love when they act like this because I really treat them like they want and start asking about their resume, a bank account, how to feed a family, college, etc.
They usually scream at me how they’re only a kid but people don’t fall for this trick. When they act grown, it’s time for them to know or at least understand that it includes more responsibilities and accountability. This is their reality check so sometimes they may cry or get scared because they know that life is no more sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes the teenagers give me the silent treatment, but that’s fine (because they are at least thinking and that’s what we want). They truly need to start thinking about their future.
I try to get the parents to see what direction the kid is going in to start considering or encouraging their dreams or goals. I also give kids homework like writing a paragraph about how they see themselves in 5 years for example and go over it on the next follow-up. I had one teen that likes writing so I bought her a journal. Another one likes drawing so I bought him some art stuff, I’ve also asked a teen to find an article that really interests him and go from there…It’s like my little reward system so they don’t think I’m always evil. Quick side note: the provider is not replacing the therapist we are simply utilizing more tools and methods to improve outcomes.
How to Overcome the Effects of Bullying
Most people encounter bullies, including myself but I’m quite sure it’s worse than ever. The internet can help people hide behind bullying and most of the time make everything more worse and complicated. As previously mentioned the main reason we have to improve the home life is so the child won’t turn to other means of dangerous entertainment or habits.
The ratio for good, helpful, solid information and guidance is seriously bad but it’s better than nothing or the child hurting themselves. I’m saying that we are living in a world that’s forcing us to depend on ourselves more than anything else so we need the “self” to be STRONG. Even if you report the bullying almost nothing happens and we still have to help the child overcome it. Here are some tips to help a person dealing with bullying:
- Build resilience: going back to playtime, social interactions, or having a healthy outlet is the best way to build resilience in kids. Another reason why family or playtime is important is because NOT everything can be expressed with words. With play, kids shouldn’t have to worry about getting seriously injured, they can practice trial and error, and develop coping skills. Also in this arena is building their self-esteem and character. So we’re countering the bullying with better social interactions.
- AVOID HELOCOPTING parenting: you WILL handicap the child. Look at animals, they don’t parent like that, they let their offspring make mistakes, sometimes growl at them, intervene of course if it’s life or death like a mama bear, but overall they let them LEARN. What does the kid need to learn? That it’s okay to make a mistake, tumble, not be perfect, and it’s okay to be different. Overcoming makes you stronger and able to weather the storm meanwhile, bullies usually get weaker and eventually disappear.
- Improve Self-Esteem: again, we want to avoid problems before they get worse. Bullying causes so much psychological distress that we want the person to have a healthy, good sense of self-worth. The keyword is “healthy” self-esteem because we don’t want someone arrogant or nasty but improve the areas that we can control. Healthy activities, learning a new hobby, going on trips, camping, retail therapy, going to a steak house. No matter how much somebody got bullied, a trip to Turks and Caicos will cure everything…I know these things require $$$$ but you get the gist, try to improve life outside of school.
In Conclusion
I know this post was heavy but the moral of the story is to take control of everything with something positive or start improving. There’s much more to life than psych and some of my meetings don’t even mention medications. I sometimes even have the kid rate me in the office on a scale of 1-10 about how awesome was our meeting today or did I do a terrible job.
Other times, I’ll ask how can I improve my outfit or how nice did I do my hair today and my hair is never done so it really ends up being funny. However, I’m actually doing this to get the pressure off the kid’s “bad” temperament or to show them that it’s okay to not be perfect and I thank them for being kind because sometimes these kids really don’t hear anything positive. Keep making sure the kid’s home life and attitudes are consistently improving.
