According to Bored Panda, a lady named ‘Maddie’ from Australia shared on Facebook a step-by-step guide about how to leave an abusive relationship. Although women are significantly more affected in these circumstances, some of the advice and considerations can be applied to anyone in such situations. Maddie started off by saying, This is for anyone currently questioning if they should leave their abusive partner:

How to Handle Finances:

• Open a new bank account with a new bank, ensure that statements are online only and to a new email address that isn’t linked to your phone.
• Pick up the card from the bank and hide it well. Amongst the abusers’ things is usually safe, as they won’t go looking there. Otherwise, hide the bank card under the sole, insert in a shoe, unused board games, at work, there are many places. But if you live with an abuser, I am sure you have a good hiding space already
• Start putting ‘what you can’ in the new account and avoid downloading the banking app to a mobile phone and start saving coins/change found around the house in empty bottles.
• If you have debit/credit cards, report them stolen so the abuser can’t access them once new numbers are provided.
• Finances to rely on are a must to ensure you don’t break and run back to fake promises

Phones: Buy a cheap phone for under $50 and a spare sim, set that up and hide it, fully charged. You will need this when you turn your main one-off to ensure he can’t contact or track you.’

Possessions:

• Start sending important things that won’t be noticed missing to loved ones, work, or storage. Things like photos, jewelry, ID, passport, etc, and not all at once, this is over time.
• For any clothes, you can’t carry in a bag, but you want to keep them. Do a “clean out”, say you are donating them, and get them somewhere safe.
• If you can, start selling things worth value that you don’t need and will not be noticed as missing, and put that money in your new account.

Work:

• If you work, tell your boss what is happening so that they can be understanding for when the time comes, and also so the abuser can’t sweet-talk information out of your colleagues.
• Some workplaces provide DV leave, or you could take it under compassionate leave. If you work for a corporation, ask for a transfer.
• If not, have your working hours randomized for a while to ensure you don’t have a continuous or steady work schedule.

Contacting Centrelink (HR): Let Centrelink know of your plans and fill out any necessary paperwork required for your future change of circumstances,’ she said. If you are moving to single parent payments, get the ball rolling as it can take a few weeks to finalize on their end. And make sure all correspondence is sent to your new secret email address,’ she added.

Family & Friends: Maddie said help from the people closest to you is essential, especially when children are involved. She explained: ‘You may have lost some by this point, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t try and help you. Reach out, help is necessary, especially if kids are involved.’

Housing:

• If you are on a lease, talk to the agent in private in order to get some help with getting out of the contract.
• Start looking for somewhere else, once you know you are almost ready, and find donation groups to help you get set up. If you put it out to Facebook, have someone else act for you, otherwise, it will be an easy way for the abuser to track you.’
• Talk to churches and anyone who might be able to help, a person could be fast-tracked if they have children.
• Move-in with family or friends, or speak to a ‘refuge’ if that isn’t possible. ‘DO NOT LOSE FOCUS, you are much closer to freedom than you think.

Police: Let them know about your plan of action in case something goes wrong. They can also help you ‘get the remainder of your things at a later date.’ ‘Also file for a dvo but don’t have it put in place until you are out and safe!’ she added.

Someone added in the comment how in the U.S. old, deactivated phones can call 911

Kids: If you have kids, you either take them with you at the time or have someone you trust to do it.

• If they are at school, you need to let the school know in advance so that the abuser can’t collect them from there, ever.
• You also need to get them out of that school early and not keep to your normal routine. Change schools if you need to. This advice includes preschool

Animals: Maddie recommended talking to your local animal welfare charity is a good place to start, as she said they will find a ‘free foster carer to care for your animals until you are settled.’

Planning your Escape Date: find a day that the abuser will be away for a few hours. Be nice leading up to the event, plan the weekend, dinner, etc. This will keep the abuser’s paranoia low, they will think they have you right where they want you.’
Packing: Don’t pack unnecessary crap! You don’t need more than one brush, you don’t need your toiletries – they can all be replaced. ESSENTIALS ONLY! Bags are heavy. You want to be hours ahead before the abuser realizes what’s happened. Do not linger, that home is not your happy place GTFO.

Leaving: By now you should have your money in your accounts and a new phone. Your kids and pets organized, your irreplaceable belongings should be safe elsewhere, and you should know exactly where you are headed once you close the door on this chapter in your life.’

Once you are out: Maddie advises changing ALL banking, social media, PayPal, and email passwords and email addresses. Similarly, she recommends blocking the person on social media, as well as changing your social media names and profile photo and blocking their phone number. Maddie says it is now time to use the spare phone and to use this phone to contact anyone you need to talk to.

She added: ‘The abuser is the most dangerous when they realize they have lost control of their possession (you). Changing all of your social media settings and names is a must, as it is too easy to find anyone these days. If the abuser does manage to track you down on social media to close down all accounts, even temporarily. ‘The abuser will try anything and everything, even suicide threats to get your attention. Do not fall for the games as the abuser is just craving any information on your whereabouts to feel like they are gaining some control back.’

Maddie lastly added that it is ‘vital’ to cease all contact and avoid being lured back into the abuser’s control. ‘You are worth more than that!’ she added.

Personal Feedback

• Some of the comments were concerned about “the abuser” having access to the guide but the writer suggested small and subtle changes would eventually result in a safe escape without the partner realizing what is occurring until it finally happens…
• Other commenters mentioned why can’t the person just leave/call the police. Sometimes such actions will result in the person being more at risk of harm or death. The police are not always readily available and if they are, the victim still needs a plan and has to consider what’s best for the children.
• Somebody made another great point about the abuser posting the partner/victim as “missing”. If someone is reported missing it should be accompanied by emergency services not just disingenuous information i.e. a FB update. Encourage family/friends to not post any information about the situation.
• Lastly, people frequently commented and emphasized to NOT forget that men are also victims of abuse.

Additional help and information:

• Health Finder about Domestic Violence
• Nurse wins $260,000 judgment against the hospital over domestic violence leave
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
• National Hotline