Basically, Everyone is Narcissistic
Welcome to another year of sheer madness. Where you can self-diagnose on TikTok and I guess it’s cool to show off 3000 personalities and alter egos. And why not? All you need is a camera or a platform and you’re an immediate expert courtesy of the University of YouTube and Google. Basically, it’s a rabbit hole that no one asked for but we all have to suffer together so here goes my rant about narcissism.
Internet (not) to the Rescue
It’s okay for the entertainment industry and platforms to bring some awareness to psych because mental health is still stigmatized. However, social media can easily cause distress by watering down people who really have issues or creating/worsening problems that probably wouldn’t have occurred otherwise.
Plus self-treating/diagnosing can make things more dangerous because instead of getting professional help, they may encounter others who are unstable, unequipped, risk being victimized…etc. Many people who suffer from psych symptoms are particularly at a high risk of being violated or usually have a history of major trauma. These things are not simple matters especially with personality disorders or any mental illness.
I’ve written about personality disorders, in which there are difficult to diagnose because it takes months to gauge the level of dysfunction. Unfortunately, they can be put in a box of being dramatic, confrontational, or manipulative where the psych provider has to separate the fluff and we usually don’t have time for that. Furthermore, the main treatment is THERAPY, not the internet, followers, or more attention-seeking toxic behaviors. Whereas, advanced providers mainly deal with medication management and just about everything else.
Maybe people also can’t afford DBT, months of talk therapy, taking time off work, etc. but it’s not needed. The drug of choice is depriving them of this substance called attention. Whatever is giving off narcissistic fuel, needs to be minimized or cut off. People with borderline personality and narcissism need to be deprived of this drug because anything otherwise will enable their behaviors.
This post is all over the place but this is honestly how it feels dealing with people with personality disorders. The key is NOT to lose focus in the midst of all the craziness in society though you’ll see it all in your office. I’m not on TikTok and barely use social media but that doesn’t mean I don’t see the effects of people being negatively influenced because of the internet.
Avoid the Drama
I’ve done posts about how I would watch certain experts on Youtube but now it’s like I have to avoid most of them. They have this perspective of how mostly everything that goes wrong in relationships, families, courts, and society is mainly due to narcissism. Eventually, you’ll get to a point where you call your neighbor’s dog and a baby narcissistic and people, in general, shouldn’t go down this rabbit hole. If you need an in-service then yes watch or read the content, just don’t drown in it!
Trust me. You don’t need endless videos and commentary about dealing with narcissism. You also don’t want to develop this lens of how everything related to narcissism is abusive, has no hope, is nonredeemable or it’s painted with this one brush. Like you’ll find many brutal opinions about narcissism and it’s not that helpful. Human nature and personalities are more complex than this and it’s NOT the reality.
I have many narcissistic patients that can be extra, but are not abusive, didn’t kill their partner, or themselves, some got silly personalities but live happy functional lives. Think about it, people call Donald Trump, Kanye West, Hillary Clinton, pop singers, models, and my very own father “narcissistic” but their families, kids, peers, and many others think otherwise. I can’t call my dad a jerk or I’ll end up in the hospital.
I deal with them all in the same manner, I don’t feed into their ego, antics, performances, lectures, eccentricities, multi pronouns, personalities. I have patients that will wear crazy jewelry, outfits, hairstyles, have weird conversations and I just about ignore all of it (minimized) and ask about their mood and medications. Eventually, they’ll calm down and see they don’t have to do all this to be treated “special”.
Some people may not agree with how I’m going about this. However, I follow a lot of criminal cases or court TV and even considered a career in law because the psychology of evilness is not that simple. If everything or everyone is narcissistic, then what’s truly a red flag? This is where the mental health profession can’t just be replaced with TikTok and Youtubers. We are here to help people gain control of some form of stability to live a functional life with integrity, not for views!
When to Cry Wolf
What’s the problem with this cycle and all cycles? The main issue is how abuse can occur at ANY stage. Do I really want to wait for an “incident” or some rage to get help? NO, we don’t. There are many times when someone is fatally harmed without an explosion, clear signs, or warnings.
The most dangerous assumption with abuse is how you have to wait for something to happen to do something. Absolutely not! Think about animals, do they wait until the hurricane gets to the shore to flee? We have to be proactive at all times. Anytime YOU (including men) feel unsafe, uncomfortable, scared, continuously worried, or walking on eggshells is a sign to leave and get help. Whether you’re a man or woman or all of the above… if you can’t leave then you should at least go to therapy (if it’s not life-threatening). Abuse can permanently demoralize a person.
Of course, you have to pick your battles and not everything is predictable and that’s life. What I’m worried about is people NOT realizing a need to truly seek help. However, it seems that many people were in terrible relationships (including myself) and have this relatable PTSD and still need closure but don’t stay stuck in the past and re-traumatizing yourself. So hearing an expert or someone on Youtube express their knowledge may be helpful but only to a certain extent. Just to be clear, I’m not against the internet experts or social media, I just hope people seek real professional help where it’s more accurate, individualized, and hopefully more comforting than online.
How to get Peace
I also wonder if people who were abused by narcissist people also have a form of it themselves or want to justify their own toxic behaviors. There are always 3 sides to the story, the people involved and the TRUTH. Even with a personality disorder, it’s not the end of the world, help them find that balance of the world NOT being about them. But no one has a right to harm or engage in any form of abuse. In the meantime, I try to tell people to keep searching for some kind of peace and stability.
The best way to heal is to always prioritize your own mental health and healing. If you have greater issues, give them to a higher power. Only God can be the rock greater than all your pain and suffering. If you don’t believe, keep prioritizing until you find a balance. I got my own issues and I know can’t balance all the craziness on my own. Thank you for reading :))
